Letter to my daughters // 19

Dear Jalayla and Lola Bee,

It’s been awhile since I have written you here. In my heart and mind I’ve written many letters,  mental notes of things I want to always remember. The two of you have been spending a lot of extra time together with it being spring break. Jalayla you have been my big helper making sure your baby sister hasn’t woken up from her nap too soon and that she has all her favorite toys readily available for her. You sing and dance for her and most often she claps. You have been holding her more lately, assuring me that you could do it. And you were right, you could and you have. You have held her in your arms and cuddled and smiled. You have let her grab at your cheeks and gently moved her hands away sweetly telling her how important it is to be gentle. You have listened to her cry and looked at her lovingly assuring her that it would be ok. And each time it was. It is amazing how sometimes just seeing your face would put her little heart at ease.

Last night I had a moment where I think I know what that might feel like for you. I was participating in very first panel. I was excited about the opportunity but nervous. I am the woman who shakes when speaking in front of people, my mouth goes dry and I worry. But I survived. And after what has been an especially tough week for your daddy and me, he did for me what the two of you do for each other. As I scanned the room my eyes met his. They were kind eyes. They were loving eyes that somehow said to me that everything was ok. I was going to be ok. Seeing his face, knowing that he was there for me, put my worried heart at ease.  My hope is that my eyes told him the very words that came to mind — thank you for what you just did for me.

It is a blessing to have people in your life that do that for you, that lovingly assure you whether it is with words or simply the expression on their face that you will be ok because sometimes in the midst of a situation we feel like we won’t be.

As for what is happening with you two these days — so much.

You two are really starting to have fun now. Lola when you entered your sixth month you entered a new season in babyhood. You now laugh hysterically. It is the cutest heartwarming sound. We all love making you giggle but big sister is the best at it. You’ve been sitting up and seem to enjoy your toys much more whilst siting on your bottom and if you open your mouth your grin is no longer toothless. Two bottom teeth have emerged!

You’ve been hanging out in your walker and eating out of you booster style high chair. Yes eating! At the 5 month mark you decided to give the spoon a try. Some days you love it, some days you are more content nursing, most days I have to remind you that mommy is not for biting. Although you seem to get a kick out of hearing me say ouch. You also like pinching necks and cheeks so we are working on that.

This month you went on a road trip — twice and although there were a couple rough moments we were all amazed by how well you did. You love being outdoors. The breeze on your face makes you smile and watching you wiggle your toes in the sunshine makes me smile.

Jalayla, everyone ask you if you like being a big sister. The answer is always the same. Yes. And it is evident that you do. I see it. The urgency in you voice when she is crying, in the way you squirm trying to reach a fallen toy while siting beside her in the backseat, sad that it is beyond your grasp, in the way that you let her pull and tug on you, in the way that you reach for her tiny hand and tell her that big sister is here. I see it in the way that you serenade her with your musical talents.  There is so much love inside of you for your sister.

As you grow into a young lady I hope and pray that there is so much love inside you for you too. I hope that you see the way you make our eyes and hearts light up just as you do your sisters. I hope that you realize that my occasionally sternness is out of my desire to help prepare you for life. It can stink sometimes but believe me when I say that the the moments of stink are small prices to pay for the beautiful moments that fill our days.

So here we are seven whole months with Lola! I still can hardly believe it myself. You are quite the firecracker little one and despite the fact that you aren’t mobile yet you’re keeping me on my toes and between you and big sister you’re keeping my heart full and for that I say thank you. My honey bee sweet as can be your heart so big so kind and my busy bee helping us to live in the moment knowing it will be gone so very fast — thank you.

Forever and Always,

Mommy

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Comments

  1. Oh I am in tears. This is such a beautiful letter. You’re babes will cherish these notes forever. xo
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