{Hers} Happy Monday + some PDA

Yesterday the three of us turned one!   A year (and one day) ago we pledged our love to one another before God, our family and friends.  During my vows to Christopher I shared this quote: 

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words” 

Although this first year as husband and wife has been one of the most incredible years of my life at times it has been difficult.  I have battled depression for most of my life and this year my battle was much harder than it had been since my adolescence.   Logically speaking  I had no reason to be sad.  I had been blessed with my heart’s desires and yet for some reason each day I had to fight,  not to be thankful because I was but, to be “happy”, to enjoy the gift of life. 

There were several times this year when I had forgotten the words to my song, a song that I joyfully sang for most of my daughter’s life, a song that I sang through most of our relationship.  Christopher had never experienced seeing me depressed.  When we were dating he praised me for always being so positive (and I was.  I am excellent at being positive when it comes to other people’s life but struggled when it came to my own).  To him I was strong and bright.  I had overcome and accomplished things that people didn’t think would be possible looking at my past and present.  I had been through what felt like hell before he and I met the key word being through (I just seemed to have forgotten that) and was doing better than ever.

Eventually the bubbly happy person he knew and loved seemed to have disappeared.  I struggled to smile for friends and family not wanting to be seem weak or broken, not wanting people to worry about me or think something was wrong or that I had lost it.  I had held it together for so long how could I let go of all of that now?  At night I would cry and cry.  Many nights I didn’t know why I was crying I just was.  I eventually made the decision to go back to therapy and although Christopher didn’t understand what  was going on with me he assured me that he would be there for me and he was.  He has been there for me every step of the way.  He has been there to help me stand when I have felt weak and he has been there to make our daughter laugh and smile and ensure that her routine went unchanged.  He has made me laugh until I cried happy tears, he has prayed for me, and he a sang my song to me when I was unable to sing it myself.

I honestly did not anticipate our first year of marriage being challenged by something that I had thought I had gained control of.  But it was.  I am well aware that we will continue to face our share of challenges  but our committment to one another and our family is just as strong as ever and each trial we have faced has brought us closer and taught us to trust in God and our love more and more.

 {8.28.10}

Christopher I love you so much.  I never knew my heart was capable of such love until I gave birth to Jalayla.  When I met you I learned that I was capable of such love x 2.  You are my angel.  You have loved me through some of difficult times in my life and have given me the opportunity to go through life by your side.  I am honored to be your wife.  I am honored to say that you are my husband.  What you have given me means more to me than any worldly possession.  You have given me your heart and I will always cherish it.  I thank you for loving me as Christ loves the church because when I finally learned what love between a man and a woman was supposed to be like all I ever wanted was to be loved just that way.  Thank you for loving me not only when it’s easy but when it’s hard.  Thank you for learning that although you want to fix everything for me you can’t and that it is ok because sometimes what I really need is for someone to just listen.  I could literally write a book thanking you for being the  amazing person that you are and thanking you for all you have brought to my life but instead I will refer you back to my promise to you on our wedding day:

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to
you when you have forgotten the words”  It is my belief  this quote describes you
perfectly.   One of the things that I love most about you Christopher Keith
Briscoe is the fact that you know truly know the song of my heart.  You know it
because you took the time to learn it.  People talk.  I learned that more during
our relationship than any other life experience.  Assumptions are made and
judgment is passed and yet from the moment I met you – you didn’t judge, you
listened.  You knew that there was so much more to who I was than what my
circumstances suggested.  You knew that I was not to be defined by my past and
that underneath my tarnished out layer was a jewel waiting to be found.  You
knew my heart and eventually you came to know my song.   You have been there to
celebrate with me during my greatest accomplishments yet you have also been
there to comfort me during moments of great sorrow.  You’ve seen me at my best
and at my worst and through it all you’ve loved me.   I truly believe that I was
made to love you.  You have shown me what  love looks like in its purest truest
form.   No matter what has happened between us or how much time has passed our
hearts always found their way home – to one another.   

I often jokingly say that I came with a bonus.  How blessed are Jalayla and I
that you were not able pass up such an amazing package deal?!  Christopher, I
thank you not only for loving me but for loving my child  as your own. When you
came into our lives Jalayla was a little over a year old.   Over time I have
watched Jalayla’s relationship with you and love for you grow and evolve.  I
have listened to her as she went from  calling you Cis, to Chris, to daddy
Chris, and now to daddy.  And although my child had a birth father what she
really needed and so desperately craved was a daddy.  I thank you for opening
your heart to experience the most genuine love God created – the love of a
child.   I thank you for extending both of your hands to us so that she and I
may each have one to hold. Thank you for loving us as much as you do.

Seeing you and Jalayla before me today reminds me that God truly has smiled on
me.  I am thankful that God has given me a  chance to experience such an honest
and true love.   I am thankful that I will go through life with you by my side. 
I look forward to a lifetime of laughter, movie nights, song renditions,
savoring your newest recipes, falling asleep to the sound of your heartbeat (or
you and Jalayla snoring) and all that we will experience together as a family.
And while I know I cannot guarantee a lifetime  of blue skies and sunshine and
realize that we will be faced with challenges what I do know is that time has
shown us that with God we have the ability to overcome them.  Christopher, on
this day and every day thereafter I promise to seek God’s  guidance in all
things concerning our family.   I promise to strive to be the all God has
intended me to be and in turn promise to support and encourage you as you strive
to be all that God has intended you to be.  I promise not to be so fixated on
our past that I fail to realize the gift we have in our present. .   I promise
to never take you or  our love for granted and to remember that our very best is
always enough.    I promise to honor you, to cherish you and to be true to you
as long as I have breath in my body and for some reason should you ever forget
the song in your heart  I promise to be there by your side so that I may sing to
you the words.
 

So you’ve officially seen my at my worst and you are still here {Thank God!} :) Thank you for singing my song to me.  Thank you for trusting me with your heart and for handling mine (and Jalayla’s) with care.

Happy anniversary Love!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Ok, why did you steal all the hallmark cards just to write this? LOL. Just kidding! Krishann, you are an amazing writer! I swear I felt like I was in the best love story movie ever! This brought tears to my eyes, happy tears of course. I love that you wrote so openly about the relationship you have with Chris. It’s not easy for all of us to do that. While reading your story I see how much you love Chris and how much you do appreciate him. I hope he feels the same for you! I’m waiting for his hallmark card so I can read and cry over that one! Love you both and Jalayla! Happy Anniversary!

    • Dear Anonymous,
      Didn’t you know that I used to work for them? joking! Obviously but perhaps I will look to see if they are hiring. Thank you so much. That is so sweet of you to say. It isn’t easy to share certain things but it felt good to say what was on my heart and share what I was going through too. I absolutely adore my Mr. (most of the time) and know he loves me. In sharing my struggle with depression I sort of feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders…feeling a little free :) Love you too and thank you for being such a great friend.

  2. pleasantandhome says:

    Sorry I’m behind on my blog reading (again!) but what a beautiful post. Congrats to all three of you on your anniversary. :)

    Depression can be such a sad/scary/lonely thing and I think it’s really brave that you shared your story! I’m also really proud of you for seeking out therapy and taking care of yourself. It can sometimes be so much easier to love and take care of others before yourself but you deserve peace and healing. I hope this second year brings nothing but health and happiness!

    • No worries! I feel like I’m behind on everything this week :-/ Thank you so much for your beautiful comment.  Really.  You are the best bloggy friend a girl could ask for.  I’ve learned so much this past year and agree it can be so easy to put others before ourselves but slowly but surely I’m getting better at “self-care”.  I’m excited to see what our 2nd year as a family will bring and also to grow as an individual.  Thank you again!  Here’s to health and happiness! ;)

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge